The Art of Saying No Without Guilt

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Let’s start this week with a poll

Ok, let’s go.

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You don’t need to feel guilty for protecting your time. You need to feel empowered.

Most people don’t struggle with setting boundaries. They struggle with how guilty they feel after they do it.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no = letting someone down.

Especially if you're a high performer.

A team player.

A helper.

You’ve been rewarded for overextending.

You’ve been promoted for saying yes to everything.

But let me be clear:

You don’t have to burn out to belong. You don’t have to say yes to everything to be respected.

Science tells us that setting boundaries isn't just good for you. It also improves clarity, trust, and productivity at work.

So if the word “no” gives you a pit in your stomach—

Here are science-backed ways to say no… without the guilt:

1. Reframe the story in your head.

• Guilt is often tied to the story you’re telling yourself.

• Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches us that what you think is happening and what’s actually happening are often two different things.

Change the story:

• Instead of “I’m letting my team down” Try “I’m protecting my energy so I can be consistent and reliable.”

• You're not being selfish. You're being smart.

2. Use the “Yes, and…” technique.

• This comes from improv—and it works wonders in high-pressure environments.

• It helps you acknowledge the request without overcommitting.

• Try this: “Yes, that’s a priority—and to give it the focus it deserves, I’ll need to shift something else. Can we align on what gets deprioritized?”

• You're still being helpful. You’re just not being a martyr.

3. Try the “Not Now” rule.

• Everything feels urgent these days. But not everything is urgent.

• Saying “not right now” gives you space and shows you’re being thoughtful.

• Try this: “I’d love to support this, but my capacity is full. Can we revisit in two weeks?”

• You’re not saying no forever. You’re saying yes with conditions.

4. Ask clarifying questions before committing.

• Research shows that people who pause and ask questions before responding feel more in control—and less regret after.

• So ask: “Can you help me understand how urgent this is and what success looks like?”

• You might find that the task can wait. Or that it wasn’t really yours to own anyway.

5. Use the Broken Record method.

• Psychologists use this tactic for people-pleasers. It helps reinforce boundaries without escalating the situation.

• Here’s how: “As I mentioned, I’m at full capacity and can’t take this on right now.”

• No over-explaining. No apologizing. Just calmly repeat your boundary as needed.

Boundary-setting isn’t a soft skill. It’s a survival skill.

And the most respected people at work?

They don’t say yes to everything.

They say yes to what matters.

They’re clear.

They’re consistent.

And they lead by example.

You don’t have to choose between being liked and being well.

You can be kind and have boundaries.

You can be a high performer and still say no.

Protect your peace. Guard your energy.

And know that saying no is one of the most powerful forms of self-respect.

Check out my latest carousel on setting boundaries (shared on LinkedIn):

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Quote

Question

Where in your life do you feel pressured to say yes? How would setting boundaries improve your well-being?

Action Step

Practice saying “no” to one non-essential commitment this week and observe how it impacts your stress levels.

Statistic

A study in the Journal of Consumer Research found that people who say “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” when declining commitments are 50% more successful in sticking to their boundaries.

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Resources to Check Out

🎧 Podcasts

• The Marie Forleo Podcast: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

• The Minimalists Podcast: The Power of Saying No

📚 Books

1. The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst

2. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

3. The Power of a Positive No by William Ury

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Until next week.

Thanks
Laura

Certified Executive Coach | Advisor | Author
Visit lauranguyen.co